


Dreamcatching

by Wesakechak



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, p3i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 02:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10799868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wesakechak/pseuds/Wesakechak
Summary: Rei tries to comfort Asuka after she is woken by a nightmare. Established relationship.





	Dreamcatching

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thuccy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thuccy/gifts).



> From Thuccy's request of 
> 
> "i just want a fic where the central point is asuka has nightmares and rei comforts her 
> 
> but i dont wanna write it :("

What Rei found strangest about the world, after she had started trying to understand it, was how there were some things that were unexplainable yet were taken for granted. Chief among those was how people seemed to be able to change the atmosphere around them when emotional. Sadness in particular was when Rei noticed it. The air was colder and heavier around sad people, or so Rei had found. It was something that should have been quite impossible. That was simply not how the world worked. 

Yet Rei could feel a chill in the air around Asuka the entire evening. As well as Asuka tried to hide it, Rei could tell she had something on her mind. And as was typical, Asuka refused to talk to her about it. Asuka wanted,  _ needed _ , to deal with it herself. Or at least try to do so. Rei knew it would take her some time for her to be ready to say anything at all.

Rei knew better than to try and convince Asuka otherwise. It would not work, and most likely only make Asuka less likely to open up when she  _ was _ ready. The only thing she could do was wait, be there if Asuka needed her. And Rei  _ would _ be there for her. 

Asuka slipped off to bed when Rei let her out of her sight for a few moments. Another way that she tried to convince herself that she was able to deal with things by herself, Rei knew. Refusing to show weakness, even if that weakness was as small as laying down. 

Rei joined her soon afterwards. Asuka was rolled on her side facing the window, the sheets wrapped tightly around her. Even so, she was shivering. Rei worked her way under the sheets, doing her best not to disturb Asuka. She laid on her back, turning her head to the side so she looked at the girl beside her. 

Tentatively Rei reached out, placing one of her hands against Asuka’s back. The shivers seemed to subside with the pressure, and Rei could feel Asuka begin to relax her grip on the sheets. Rei relaxed alongside her, telling herself that Asuka would eventually tell her. While Rei didn’t fight off sleep, she didn’t seek it either, trying to keep herself awake as long as she could in case Asuka was ready to talk. She only let sleep claim her when she heard the soft snores emanating from the other side of the bed.

Rei was woken by something hitting the side of her face. Instantly her eyes shot open and she sat up, looking for what had hit her. Clouds had covered the moon, plunging the room into pitch black darkness. Sounds, however, were not light dependent. There were screams from across the bed and Rei felt another hit, this time on her stomach. Rei reached out into the darkness, towards where Asuka would be. One of her hands were slapped away, and the screams continued. Rei realized who the screams belonged to, even though it sounded nothing like Asuka. 

“Asuka!” Rei spoke as loud as she could, trying to wake her. Her voice was drowned out by Asuka’s shrieks. The clouds moved out of the way of the moon, illuminating the room for Rei. Asuka was tossing in her sleep, her arms flailing about. Her mouth was open and she was yelling wordlessly into the air, her eyes squeezed shut. 

“Asuka!” Rei repeated more urgently, reaching back towards her. This time she managed to catch Asuka’s wrist, pushing it against the bed to keep it still. Rei moved closer to Asuka, trying to wrap her arms around her and keep her from shaking. Asuka fought back in her sleep, elbowing Rei in the ribs and trying to twist out of her grip. Rei grunted in pain, but managed to get partially on top of Asuka, her face beside Asuka’s. 

“Asuka!” She tried again, this time yelling it into Asuka’s ear. The flailing of her arms started to subside. Rei pulled her face back and watched Asuka’s eyes flutter open, looking around the room with confusion. She stopped screaming, instead settling down on her back and breathing heavily. 

“Mom…” Asuka’s voice sounded unusually quiet after the constant screaming. “Rei?” Her eyes focussed on Rei, and then turned away. “What was I doing?” She asked, her voice wavering. She again tried to struggle out of Rei’s grasp, though more composed than her previous attempt.

“You were screaming, and tossing in your sleep.” Rei stated, relenting her embrace and letting Asuka sit up. She still held onto Asuka’s hands, pulling them into her own lap. Asuka did manage to sit up, taking a look around the room as if to remind herself where she was. Then, she dropped her chin to look down at her lap, her hair falling forward to hide her face. “Asuka, I-” Rei began.

“I can handle it myself.” The reply was still quiet, but harsh enough to cut Rei off. “I can…” Asuka trailed off, her shoulders tensing. There was a loud hiccup from under her hair. Rei gave her hands a quick squeeze, and Asuka jerked back slightly. Rei let her hands go, realizing that Asuka did not want any physical contact. Rei found that worrying, even when Asuka refused to speak about something, she was still receptive of Rei’s attempt to comfort her through embraces and held hands. Asuka turned away from her, taking her hands and setting them on the bed behind her. “I should be able to, shouldn’t I?” She muttered, more to herself than Rei. Asuka wasn’t crying anymore, and Rei couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Asuka.” Rei said once again, gentler than before. Asuka shifted, looking up. “You no longer have to handle it by yourself.” Rei had told her the same advice before, but Asuka had still remained stubbornly against asking for her help. Now she hoped Asuka would be more receptive.  Rei saw Asuka’s shoulder slump and her head tilt back down. “You do not like having to rely on others, I know. I will not force you to. But I at least want to know what you’re going through. It frightened me, you looked like you were about to die.” She stated. 

Asuka was silent for a moment before sighing deeply. “Mom.” It was all the explanation that Rei needed. In the end, Asuka’s various problems boiled down to only a few sources. Her mom was one of them. It was also the one that Asuka was most persistent about keeping quiet about. She knew a few details, but not much. Asuka continued with a choked cough, “It’s been what, seven or eight years now.” Her body heaved, and she sucked in a breath. There was a long pause in which Asuka didn’t say anything. Rei could hear her sniffles, loud and wet.

“And you are still haunted by it?” Rei eventually asked her. She moved near Asuka, not going to touch her again but close enough to do so if needed.

“I still relive it, dream of it. Sometimes. Like tonight.” Asuka admitted. She reached up to her neck, tugging at the collar of her shirt as if it was choking her. “When we first met I was starting to get over it, or bury it, or something. Then the angel…and everything after.” Asuka shuddered and threw her hands in the air. The movement was large enough for Rei to feel through the bed. Rei studied Asuka carefully. Asuka never talked about what had happened with the fifteenth angel, and Rei knew better than to ask. It only now occurred to her that it somehow concerned her mother as well. 

Asuka seemed to go stiff for a moment, and then she slunked even lower. She leaned forward, holding her hands to her head and looking down at the floor. Rei could feel the chill in the air from earlier that night return. She debated whether or not to let the silence hang for longer, if Asuka would continue to speak or if she was waiting for Rei to respond. There was a quiet grunt from Asuka, her sniffles starting to grow more infrequent as she once again began to bottle up her emotions. 

“After your mother died, that was when you promised that you would only think for yourself?” Rei asked, trying to keep Asuka from slipping away. 

“Yeah. I told myself I’d never rely on anyone anymore. That I’d never cry anymore. I’ve been trying to keep all this to myself the entire time. And look how that turned out, right?” There was something that might have been a laugh coming out of Asuka’s mouth. It was a strangled sound, one that Asuka tried to keep down. It did nothing but reveal the swirling emotions hiding just beneath the surface. “But if I do talk to you about it, if I do open up to you, then I’d also be opening up to having the same thing happen again, wouldn’t I? Getting hurt again.” Asuka shook her head, sounding less upset and more resigned. She spoke as if she was weighing her options. “Plus, I don’t know what to say.” She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. It took Rei a second to understand what Asuka wanted. She wanted Rei to convince her to open up. Needed her to, because she could not convince herself.

Rei inhaled, planning out what she would say to convince Asuka, “I have opened up to you about many things. Some of my darkest secrets and deepest fears. It was hard, and I was scared as well. But I told myself that you would not try to hurt me. So I opened my heart, and it helped me. You helped me.” Rei turned her gaze to look directly at the back of Asuka’s head. She watched the minute movements that Asuka made, hoping to see something that told her she was getting through. “I did not know how to talk about it either at first. Though I found that starting at the beginning works.” Rei suggested quietly. 

“The beginning?” Asuka repeated, shifting anxiously. Rei could see that she was starting to shake again, and had to remind herself not to try and hold her until Asuka wanted it, as much as she wanted to. She climbed to the edge of the bed, sitting next to Asuka so that she would be aware of her presence. “I guess…” Asuka sniffled, making her trail off. “I guess that would be the best place.” She muttered. Rei tilted towards Asuka ever so slightly, so that she could hear her strained voice, laced with sadness. 

Asuka arched her back, looking at the ceiling and letting her hair fall back from her face as she began speaking. Her voice sounded utterly broken, defeated. “My mom. She worked at Gerheim. Dad never wanted me, but she did. And she was always so proud of me when I was little. I loved her as well. Then one day she left, and didn’t come back. Not all of her, anyway.” Asuka paused to take a ragged breath. Rei could see her eyes, once more unobscured by her hair, the tear stains reflecting the moonlight.

“When she did get back, she didn’t even recognize me. She replaced me with a doll.” Asuka glanced at Rei, making eye contact with her for the first time since waking up. Her eyes were bloodshot, red veins running into the blue. She sounded slightly confused, or astonished. “Mom saw it as her perfect little daughter, and me as some unwanted kid who hung around.” Asuka’s eyes moved off of Rei, instead staring at an empty spot at the corner of the apartment building. She sniffled again, shaking her head to ward off any more tears.

“When you called me a doll, that was what you were referring to?” Rei asked to clarify. Asuka had apologized for calling her that, a rare event. Even though Rei saw it as merely a harsh truth she needed to confront. Again Asuka nodded. 

“Yeah. I hated that stupid thing. Didn’t understand what had happened. Whenever I would try and talk with her she would turn to the doll and ask who I was. Then one day she tried to kill me. Strangle me. She asked me to die with her and I was too young to understand! I thought I could get my mom back if I listened to her!” Asuka was starting to yell at nothing and no one in particular, and she anxiously stirred. One of her hands clenched into a fist and she slammed it into the bed angrily. The shockwave was enough to make Rei fly up for a brief second before landing again. Asuka was silent for a few moments, as she caught her breath and dug her fist downwards further into the bed. Then she found her voice again. It was softer this time. “Soon after she hanged herself, along with the stupid doll. I was the one who found them. The day that I became an Eva pilot.” She muttered the final sentence barely above a breath. The fist relaxed, until it simply layed on the bed and unclenched, her fingers spreading out.

“That is terrible.” Rei muttered. She had known some things about Asuka’s past. Yet the full details painted it as being just as bad, if not worse, than Rei’s own childhood of neglect. “You should not have had to have gone through it.”

“I did though.” Asuka snapped, her shoulders tensing up as she whipped her head towards Rei again. Then she dropped her gaze, looking at her lap again. “There was no one left after that happened.” Asuka continued, taking another shaky breath. “My grandma told me to be strong but cry if I needed to, I remember that. But I didn’t listen to her. I thought I could handle it myself. I swore I would never need help from anyone, never show weakness to anyone. So I tried that, separated myself from everyone else. I thought that I couldn’t get hurt if I never let anyone else in. There were a few times that I tried to talk to other people about it. My step-family, Kaji, Shinji. But they all proved me right.” There was a hint of venom on Asuka’s voice that broke through her tears. Anger towards the lot of them.

“And that is why you have not opened up to me before?” There was a tiny nod from Asuka. “I understand your apprehension. I was afraid of speaking to you about my emotions, and I merely never tried before.” Rei said quietly. It made perfect sense to her, why Asuka had refused to open up. After trying and failing to, she would instinctively pull away, like a person recoiling if their hand even gets close to a hot stove years after burning their hand on a stovetop. 

“I want to be wrong. I want you to prove me wrong.” Asuka sounded more confident as she spoke. Her hand reached out blindly towards Rei and Rei took it, gently rubbing her other hand over it. The contact made Asuka shiver, but she squeezed slightly harder, gritting her teeth and working through her instinct to pull away. Tears were starting to flow freely now, and Asuka could only gasp for air. 

“I am here now. I will help you.” Rei promised, returning the squeeze of Asuka’s hand slowly, making sure that Asuka knew that she was there for her. Asuka looked at her, more critical this time, as if she was trying to see if Rei was lying to her. Her eyes softened after a moment, seeing the sincerity on Rei’s face. She took a deep breath, exhaling slower and more calmly than before.

“It hurts. Just thinking about it hurts.” Asuka slumped to the side, into Rei. Rei stopped rubbing Asuka’s hand and wrapped an arm around her chest, to keep her from falling completely over onto the floor. She cradled Asuka’s head against her chest, Asuka’s cheek pressed over her heart. Asuka closed her eyes, crying more intensely as she did, her breaths short and shallow. Any apprehensions, any doubts, about opening up to Rei had disappeared. Rei took it as a good sign, even though she had never seen Asuka so open with her crying before. 

“That is in the past now. It can not hurt you any more than it already has. It was only a nightmare tonight.” Rei reassured her, trying to sound as confident as she could. “I know you are strong, and will be able to overcome this.” It seemed to have an effect on Asuka, who managed to get a long breath in and speak again.    


“I know, I know. But it still hurts. And I can’t-can’t get rid of that.” Asuka cried out, shaking in Rei’s arms. She clutched on to Rei as best as she could, wetting the shoulder of Rei’s shirt with her tears. “I don’t feel that strong.” She mumbled, almost too quiet for Rei to hear.

“You are strong. You must recognize that it takes strength to speak of your emotions. Let it out, I know it is hard, but you will feel better in the end.” Rei told her, reaching her arm up Asuka’s back and rubbing her hand between her shoulder blades. Asuka relaxed at that, her violent sobs becoming more subdued at Rei’s tender touch. Rei pulled Asuka closer, letting her shakes and quivers taper out against her chest. Asuka began to move her body, twisting it towards Rei. She returned the embrace, somewhat awkwardly slinging an arm around Rei’s neck. Rei shifted her own body, letting Asuka hold on to her more easily. 

“Will I?” Asuka eventually asked, uncertainty clear on her voice. She again sniffled into Rei’s shoulder, and Rei could feel the hand on her back tense.

“Yes. You will. It has for me.” Rei replied honestly.   


“I haven’t had anyone…” Asuka’s voice wavered, and she stopped talking with a hiccup. Her body gave another shake, though it was less pronounced.   


“I am here, now at this moment. I will try to make it better.” Rei reaffirmed. She held Asuka at arms length, and wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand before cupping one of Asuka’s cheeks affectionately. Fresh tears were taking their place moments later, but it seemed to help Asuka. Her eyes focussed on Rei, even more bloodshot than before, but kinder as well. She scanned Rei’s face, seeing the gentle smile that told her that Rei would be there for her.

“Thank you.” Asuka whispered, her fears of opening up to Rei dissipating as Rei continued to hold her. She closed the distance between them again, pressing their cheeks together. Rei guided them both downwards, back to the bed where they lay with limbs entangled. Asuka nuzzled her face into Rei’s shoulder, still crying, though not as harshly as before. Rei reached one hand up to Asuka’s head and thread her fingers through Asuka’s hair, gently rubbing it as Asuka fell asleep. Her breathing was surprisingly light after what she had been through earlier, Rei noticed. She pressed her own head against Asuka’s shoulder, letting the steady rise and fall of Asuka’s chest ease her back to sleep as well. The air felt warm, she noticed. 


End file.
